Piglets study their ABCs

Where did the piglets study their ABCs? At a school for higher loining.

Watch the solar eclipse

“Can I go outside and watch the solar eclipse?” asked Rupert.
“Okay,” replied his father, “but don’t stand too close.”

Obama-Clinton Showdown

“Things aren’t looking good for Hillary. Like a lot of women in Washington, I think she’s just starting to realize she may have slept with Bill Clinton for nothing.”

“Hillary Clinton says she isn’t dropping out because there are still six states that haven’t had their Democratic primary. That’s right. Barack Obama’s favored in the states of Oregon, Montana and South Dakota, and Hillary is favored in the state of denial.”

“In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. Or, as Democrats call it, Barack Obama.”

“According to a new poll, Barack Obama has a 24-point lead over Hillary Clinton in North Carolina. Obama is doing particularly well with one important demographic: voters.”

You were doing 85 miles an hour

“I’ll have to report you, sir,” said the traffic cop to the speeding driver.
“You were doing 85 miles an hour.”
“Nonsense, officer,” declared the driver.
“‘Ive only been in the car for ten minutes.”

No wonder that mama pig is so big

A city child came running into the farmhouse. “No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled. “There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”

I’m a Republican

“Are you a member of any organized political party?”
“No. I’m a Republican.”