Monster at medical school

1st Monster: What is that son of yours doing these days ?
2nd Monster: He is at medical school.
1st Monster: Oh, whats he studying ?
2nd Monster: Nothing, they’re studying him!

Violin lessons last winter

“Haven’t I seen your face before?” a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
“You have, Your Honor,” the man answered hopefully.
“I gave your son violin lessons last winter.”
“Ah, yes,” recalled the judge. “Twenty years!”

How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?

How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?- Two. One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

Mice saw a bat

Do you know what a mice said when it saw a bat?
Mom ! I see an angel.

Hows your wife?

“And hows your wife, Pat?”
“Sure, she do be awful sick.” “Is ut dangerous she is?”
“No, shes too weak to be dangerous anymore!”

Ur mama is so fat

ur mama is sooo fat, she sat on a dollar and made 4 quarters pop out.

A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film

A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climbed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again.
“Whats the matter?” asked the director. “I cant jump from that board!” said the actor.
“Do you know theres only one foot of water in that pool?”
“Yes,” said the director. “We don’t want you to drown, you know.”