1st and 2nd Vampire

1st vampire: How things?
2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I’m overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.

This town has criminal lawyers

“Excuse me,” a young fellow said to an older librarian, “I’ve just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers.”
“Well,” replied the librarian, “I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet.”

God lost the lotto

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray for help. “Oh Lord, please help me, Ive lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well,please let me win the lotto”.
Lotto night arrived and somebody else won the prize. Joe again looked up and prayed…”Oh Lord, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well”.
Again, Lotto night came and went and Joe still had no luck.

Once again, he prayed… “Oh, Lord, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business,my house and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please just let me win the lotto this onetime so I can get my life back in order … ” Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light as the heavens opened and Joe was confronted by the voice of the Lord himself: “Joe, Meet Me Half Way On This One. Buy A Ticket!”