Was a bank robber

“Dad,” said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. “I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow.”
“OK, son,” said his dad, “I’ll get you the cash when the bank closes.”

Is that bull safe?

A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby. Say, farmer.
Is that bull safe? Well, hes a lot safer than you are right now!

Optimist student

Optimist: A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.

Christmas tie

“Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?”
“He said it was too tight.”

Take the wheel

“Take the wheel, Harry!” said the nervous lady driver.
“Theres a tree coming straight for us!”

Make of my boyfriend

1st Cannibal: I don’t know what to make of my boyfriend these days.
2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot ?

What were you before you came to school

“What were you before you came to school, boys and girls?” asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say “babies.”
She was disappointed when all the children cried out, “Happy!”

I can’t stop acting like a cat

“Doctor,” said the patient, “I need help! I can’t stop acting like a cat!”
“How long have you had this problem?” the doctor asked.
“Let’s see,” said the patient, “Mom had the litter in 41

What did you make of the new English teacher

“Well, children,” said the cannibal cooking teacher. “What did you make of the new English teacher?”
“Burgers, maam.”

A cowboy and a biker are on death row

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, “Ah shore do, wardn. Ahd be mighty grateful ifn yood play Achy Breaky Heart fur me bahfore ah hafta go.”
“Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that,” says the warden.
He turns to the biker, “And you, biker, whats your last request?”
“That you kill me first.”