Entertaining the baby

A distraught mum rushed into the back yard, where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old upturned tin bath with a poker.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded.
“Im just entertaining the baby,” explained Tommy.
“Where is the baby?” asked his Mum. “Under the bath.”

Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!

“Did you hear the news?” asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon.
“Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!”
“Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!!”

Unlucky man who bought some bananas

Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.

Am I pure polar bear?

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, “Dad, am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, “Sure you are son. I’m all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.”
Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, am I pure polar bear?” She answers, “Of course you are honey. I’m all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear.”
Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, “Grandmom…Grandpop…am I all polar bear?” His grandmother answers, “Of course you are sweetie. Were all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?” The baby polar bears replies, “Because Im f****** freezing!”

Sophia Loren? No-spaghetti!

“My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!” said Miss Conceited. Then hes right said her little brother. Sophia Loren? “No-spaghetti!”