Violin lessons last winter

“Haven’t I seen your face before?” a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
“You have, Your Honor,” the man answered hopefully.
“I gave your son violin lessons last winter.”
“Ah, yes,” recalled the judge. “Twenty years!”

Your husband goes fishing every weekend

“Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?” asked Janes best friend.
“Why shouldn’t I?” said Jane.
“Well, maybe he is having an affair?”
“No way” said Jane “he never returns with any fish…”

An avid line dancing couple go to the doctor

An avid line dancing couple go to the doctor for a check up because they are having trouble remembering anything but, all the latest line dances. The doctor finds them in excellent health (of course), but suggests that writing things down may help their memories off the dance floor.
That night the husband gets up to go the kitchen and the wife asks for a dish of ice cream, suggesting that maybe he write it down. He says “I don’t need to write it down”
She says “Well I want Strawberries on it, so maybe you better write it down”
“I don’t need to write it down” He says and walks off in a huff.
Twenty minutes later he comes back with a plate of bacon and eggs. “I told you to write it down” she says, “You forgot my toast”.

Make of my boyfriend

1st Cannibal: I don’t know what to make of my boyfriend these days.
2nd Cannibal: How about a hotpot ?

Entertaining the baby

A distraught mum rushed into the back yard, where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old upturned tin bath with a poker.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded.
“Im just entertaining the baby,” explained Tommy.
“Where is the baby?” asked his Mum. “Under the bath.”

Household appliance that eats ants

Did you hear about the household appliance that eats ants and records TV shows?
It’s the VCRdvard

Piglets study their ABCs

Where did the piglets study their ABCs? At a school for higher loining.

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