Northern California’s apple country
May 30, 2008
A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California’s apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, “How much are yer apples?”
“All you can pick for one dollar,” said the rancher. “Okay,” said the Pennsylvanian. “Ill take two dollars worth.”
A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven
May 30, 2008
A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven,but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard.
The lawyer protested that a three-year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears.The lawyer was then approached by the devil, whotold him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willing to change venue to Hell. The lawyer asked: “Why can appeals be heard so much sooner in Hell?”
The devil answered: “We have all of the judges.”
Can you read Chinese?
May 30, 2008
“Can you read Chinese?”
“Yes, but only when its printed in English.”
Can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys
May 27, 2008
“Hey, Pop,” pleaded Angelo, “can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys?”
“Whats the matter with you?” asked his father. “Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt Maud is here?”
Got frogs legs
May 27, 2008
“Waiter ! Have you got frogs legs ? ”
“No, sir, I always walk this way”
Doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire
May 27, 2008
Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, Who’s a pretty boy then ?!
Incoming Joke Comedy search:
- dr who jokes
- vampire jokes dirty
- doctor who jokes
- dirty parrot jokes
- parrot jokes dirty
- parrot jokes
- vampire comedy jokes
Can I get it?
May 27, 2008
A man and a couple of his friends had just finished a round of golf at the country club and they were changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang. The man picked it up and answered it. “Hi honey,” said the woman on the other end.
“Hi honey,” replied the man. “I was just calling to tell you about this fur coat I found today. It’s beautiful fox fur and I just love the way it looks on me. It’s on sale too, a real bargain. Its down to $2000 from $4000. Can I get it?”
The man thought about it for a sec and said, “You’re sure its a good deal?”
“Oh yes,” replied the woman. “Okay then, I guess you can get it,” replied the man. Read more
Is your mother home?
May 27, 2008
“Is your mother home?” the salesman asked a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house.
“Yeah, shes home,” the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door.
Turning to the boy, the fellow said, “I thought you said your mother was home.” The kid replied, “She is; but this isn’t where I live.
Two-handed cheese, please
May 27, 2008
“Can I have some two-handed cheese, please?” a man in a restaurant asked the waiter.
“What do you mean, two-handed cheese? asked the waiter. ”
You know, the kind you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the other.”
No wonder that mama pig is so big
May 27, 2008
A city child came running into the farmhouse. “No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled. “There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”
